The Shovel Talk
by Ms. Perception
Summary: The whole town insists on giving Hook the 'hurt her and die' speech. Charming is oblivious. Robin is concerned. Hook is annoyed and painfully caffeine deprived. He's also very much over the town's constant threats. And then an unexpected source is there to come to his defense. A Hook/Charming/Hood Brotp one-shot!


**The Shovel Talk**

David walked into the sheriff's station, pausing in the doorway to revel in the peace and calm that emanated from the empty room. He knew it wasn't going to last long as maintaining the peace in Storybrooke wasn't any easier even with the Wicked Witch gone at last. Between handling all their missing memories returning, general cleanup from the destruction Regina's wayward sister caused, the birth of a new prince, and a few new cases of True Love popping up, the small town was just as busy as it was with the threat looming overhead. But for right now, things were calm. Calm enough that David wasn't even stressing the idea of Emma not coming into the station until later in the afternoon. If anyone needed a break, it was Emma… the Savior and his baby girl. And also one of those True Love couples that appeared in town.

He sat down at his desk and looked half-heartedly through a report left there by Emma the night before. His mind was not focused on the words on the paper. Instead he kept drifting back to the final battle. To how close he was to losing his daughter again and this time for good. He could only stand and watch in terror as Zelena managed to send one last curse blasting her way. He was her father and he couldn't do a damn thing to save her. But the pirate could and did. At the very last minute, just as the curse was about to hit it's target, Killian appeared. He pushed her out the way, taking what would've been a fatal hit for Emma. The princess was saved by a pirate. There was probably some kind of fairytale just waiting to be written about that one. Especially when the pirate was then brought back to life by a kiss from his true love, the princess.

David couldn't even find it in himself to be angry about the kiss. For starters, the pirate saved his daughter. That right there meant that David would've done pretty much anything to save Killian's life. Then there was the fact that Killian was also probably the closest thing he had to a best friend outside of Snow. He kind of enjoyed having him around. And finally, there was the fact that it was clearly True Love's Kiss. That meant that his daughter finally got her chance at being happy. David couldn't be angry about that. Of course, he still had to put on the grumpy father act because that was his daughter. No matter how much he liked the reformed pirate, that was still his little girl.

His thoughts were drifting even further from paperwork when the door opened a few hours into his boring shift letting in Robin Hood, sans the Merry Men (both official and unofficial) and his own True Love. And that was still weird to David. But he couldn't deny that they were the perfect compliment to one another. And since the return of their lost memories, the couple were attached at the hip. That is when Robin wasn't goofing off with David and Killian. Regina seemed oddly tolerant of their frequent guy time. Probably because she spent just as much time with Emma and Snow. There were a lot of changes in Storybrooke and David wasn't mad at any of them. Robin had a positive effect on Regina. She smiled more. She seemed happy. For the first time since he met her, David could actually see the woman that Snow adored as a child. Even better was that Regina was starting to see that woman as well.

"Your majesty," Robin said, complete with a mock, sweeping bow. David refrained from throwing something at him.

He wanted to say that Hook was a bad influence on Robin but he had a feeling that the thief was this much of a sarcastic pain in the ass before he met up with the pirate (actually he remembered that he definitely was from their lost year). Still it wasn't a surprise how they became fast friends. That's why it was odd to see Robin at the station without Killian in tow. Killian was in the habit of coming to the station alone but Robin usually only came if he was with Killian. David sat up, already on alert.

"To what do I owe the honor? Or are you and Hook playing 'Who Can Annoy the Prince the Fastest' again?"

Robin's lips twisted downward briefly before settling into a more neutral smile. "I was actually hoping to have a moment of your time to discuss our mutual friend. I'm a bit…. concerned about him lately."

David motioned for him to have a seat. It amused the prince that Robin started for his usual spot behind David before settling into the chair closest to the desk. That spot was usually reserved for the now two handed reformed pirate with only a slight drinking problem. It was funny how much things changed.

"So what's going on? I saw him yesterday. He seemed fine."

"I supposed you're referring to breakfast at Granny's?" David nodded. "Was there nothing about that scene that struck you as something to be concerned about?"

It was David's turn to frown now as he struggled to remember if anything that was off with Killian during their brief meeting at the diner. David had been in a rush. He was on a coffee run for Snow who was home with the baby. He remembered being happy to see the pirate as it had been a few days since their last meeting. They exchanged idle small talk while David waited for his order and then he left. That was it. Nothing seemed concern worthy.

"Do you recall any conversations our Killian was involved in while you were there?"

David started to ask where this was going before he remembered exactly what Robin was talking about. He did remember Killian sitting stiffly at the counter, nursing a nearly empty cup of coffee. David remembered Ruby was standing pretty close to the pirate before he walked in. She left as David approached but she slinked right back up to him as he was walking out the door. It didn't seem that odd at the time as David was pretty sure that Ruby and Victor had something going on and Killian definitely wasn't one to stray. But now Robin was making him think there was something to be worried about.

"What happened?"

"The same thing that has been happening to him every time he goes into town since the witch was defeated," Robin replied, crossing his arms over his chest. "He merely has to set foot in an establishment and there is someone telling him that if he hurts the princess, he will suffer a variety of unpleasant outcomes."

David's eyes widened even as a smile formed. Yeah, he could definitely see that. Emma was the Savior. Even more than that, she was a princess. She was beloved by the town. It didn't surprise him at all that they were all trying to defend her honor. What did surprise him was how bothered Robin seemed by it.

"It will calm down with time," he tried to assure his new friend. "Their relationship is still new. And there are so many people in this town that love Emma. Give them all a few weeks, and eventually they'll find something new to obsess over."

Robin nodded absently. "That's not where my concern lies."

"It's not?"

"No. I completely understand the sentiment behind their threats. They're concerned about Emma and wish nothing but good things for her. I understand that as does Killian. However, I believe it's driving home the point that Emma is beloved by many and Killian is beloved by well…. very few."

"Oh," David mumbled.

"Yes, I do believe you've got it," Robin flashed him a quick smile. "I know that she's your daughter but you're the only one I knew I could talk to about this."

"Yeah, no," David shook his head. "You were right. I didn't think about it. I should've thought about that but I didn't." He ran a hand through his hair thinking about his options. There really was only one. "We need to emphasize that he's not alone. He's got more than just Emma. He's also got us. I mean, he does have us, right?"

"I wouldn't be here if he didn't."

"Excellent!" David said, clapping his hands together and rising to his feet. "Let's go cheer up a pirate!"

* * *

Ever since his miraculous, two handed return from the dead in the arms of his true love, it was difficult to see much of Hook in the pirate. While David (and most of the town) occasionally called him by his no longer applicable moniker, it was mostly as an almost affectionate nickname. The truth was he was definitely all Killian now. David might not have known Killian Jones, Navy Lieutenant and loyal younger brother to Captain Liam Jones, but he couldn't imagine that he was much different than the sulking man child currently slumped in one of the booths of the diner, facing away from the door with an empty coffee cup in front of him. David did not miss the looks from several of the diner's customers in Killian's direction. How the hell did he manage to ignore this for the past two weeks? They weren't even trying to be subtle about it. Sheesh.

David followed Robin's lead as they slid into the booth opposite Killian. Blue eyes lifted from the cup in front of him to the two men before returning to his empty cup. They sat in silence for a few minutes before David poked the cup.

"This would probably be better with something inside, you know?"

"Aye, it most likely would. But alas, I've apparently been issued a one cup limit. That's down from my two cup limit last week. It's to prove that the owners of this establishment are capable of hitting me where it hurts without laying a finger or claw on me. Though, trust me, there have been a multitude of promises about that one."

"Killian, it'll get better," David promised, though he was starting to be concerned himself. This was a more than a little extreme. "Now let's see if I can't live up to my name and charm Ruby into getting you a fresh cup."

Killian bit down on his lip in a vain effort at hiding a smile. "What are you two doing here anyway? Don't you have work?"

"It's a slow day for once and Emma will be along soon enough," David shrugged. Robin merely looked offended at the concept of working. On that note, how exactly did the Merry Men pay for things anyway? As best as he knew none of them had jobs. Hmmm…

"We figured we'd keep you company in your sulking and pouting, mate," Robin added with a smirk and a wink.

Killian rolled his eyes but David noticed a spark returning to his eyes. He sat up straight before giving the thief a not at all nice gesture with his left hand. Robin was set up to retort which would most likely end in a headache for David when Ruby walked up to the table. David was quietly grateful. He did genuinely like both Killian and Robin but they were both like small children when they were left to their own devices.

"Charming, Robin, what can I get you guys this morning?" Ruby asked, flashing her best smile and pointedly ignoring Killian's empty cup. Yeah, David was definitely going to have some words with their friends. He also had a sneaking suspicion that he may need to have some words with his wife as well.

"Well, Ruby," David replied, giving his most charming smile. "I will have a breakfast special and a cup of coffee. And I'm sure that Killian over here would like to have another cup of Granny's delicious coffee."

To her credit, Ruby did look somewhat uncomfortable with having her less than hospitable behavior thrown in her face. She forced a smile before reluctantly making eye contact with Killian. David noticed that the pirate didn't make a smug response or throw his minor victory around. He merely nodded at his empty cup and added an order of eggs and toast to David's order. It was probably for the best that Killian wasn't smug as Robin had a handle on the smug for all three of them.

After their coffee and food was served David noticed that Killian was acting almost like himself again. He was less tense and slightly more animated. He really hated that it took Robin pointing it out. He should've noticed that the pirate was a lot more withdrawn in recent weeks. He was definitely going to have a talk with his wife and get her to spread the word. The threats against Killian needed to stop. Especially before it got back to Emma.

The door chimed and David couldn't help but smile at his daughter as she glided in the door. She gave the odd trio in the corner booth a double take before smiling herself. Her smile faltered as she looked at her pirate. They both claimed the other wasn open book and it was never more apparent than in that moment. Emma didn't even need to see him fully to know that something was wrong. But it was being handled. David gave a minute shake of his head to which she responded with a nod. He didn't know when they got so good with the non verbal communication but he couldn't deny that they were damn good at it. Emma strolled past them, though she briefly reached out to touch Killian's shoulder, and straight up to the counter to place her order. David settled back in his seat listening as Killian and Robin continued to exchange humorous anecdotes about managing their various crews (both pirate and Merry).

Emma was just collecting her food and no doubt on her way to their table to say goodbye when the door opened once again. This time it was Regina. The not so Evil anymore Queen looked first to their table and then to Emma then back to their table. Killian glanced over his shoulder to see why Robin stopped his story mid-sentence. He was just about to form some no doubt juvenile response about Robin's huge crush on Regina when he noticed that the woman's laser focused gaze was locked on him. As she started to stride towards the table, the pirate huffed, sliding further down in his seat.

"And here I thought that Regina and I had an understanding," he muttered.

David started to stand up to defend Killian when Regina bypassed them all to press a quick kiss against Robin's waiting lips. She patted Killian on the hand before leaving them just as abruptly as she arrived. She walked up to Emma with a wide, yet dangerous smile on her lips.

"Ms. Swan, lovely morning, isn't it?"

"Yes," Emma replied, warily. Her eyes flickered to where David was sitting. He shrugged. Like he had any idea what happened in this town most of the time.

"Ms. Swan, it's safe to say that we've made tremendous progress working together to raise Henry as well as becoming a family. And I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I do need to make myself perfectly clear." The brunette cleared her throat, attracting even more attention. "If you hurt Killian Jones, I will toss your ass off another rope bridge."

Emma's eyes widened but David could read the amusement there. It was Killian's wide blue eyes that caught his attention. The pirate looked both horrified and flattered. It was a strange combination. But nothing beat the collective gasps and surprise from the rest of the diner customers. Regina kept talking without missing a beat.

"This may come as a surprise to some but I actually like the pirate now that you've mellowed him out a bit. I also like that our son is a huge fan of his. He's spreading that to Roland as well. So as you can see I'm personally invested in his happiness. You make him happy. I would hope that you will continue to do so as you are his True Love." She then turned to address their captivated audience. "I would also like to remind everyone here that the kiss between the pirate and the savior was what broke the curse that made us forget the last year. So I believe that we all owe him a bit of gratitude. Just remember I've only made a promise to not to hurt anyone as long as my son doesn't agree. I'm sure he'll make some exceptions when it comes to Killian."

With that said, Regina blew a kiss at Robin before sauntering out the door as if she hadn't just said the single most shocking thing she's said since she threatened to destroy all their happy endings. David would like to go on record with reminding everyone that Regina did in fact destroy all their happy endings too. Well, for awhile…

"So what was that all about?" Emma asked with a bemused smile on her face as she sat down beside the still shocked silent Killian. She put her hand over his. "Killian, what's wrong? How long has this been going on?"

"There is nothing going on, love," Killian replied with a steady voice. He almost sounded convincing. "I actually have no idea why Regina would say that."

"I was actually asking about whether people in the town were randomly threatening you on my behalf," Emma corrected. She squeezed his hand. "People have been giving you the shovel talk too?"

"The shovel talk?" Killian asked, brow furrowed in concentration. "I don't believe I'm familiar with that phrase, Swan."

"It's basically when you threaten to maim someone if they hurt the person you care about. So Regina threatened to hurt me, if I hurt you. The shovel talk."

"Ah," Killian murmured. "What do you mean 'too'? Who else has threatened you?"

"Relax, pirate," Emma chided, bumping her shoulder against his. "They don't mean it in a bad way. But to answer your question, I've gotten the talk from Jefferson, your mate Robin over here, Henry, Mulan, Will, Tinkerbelle, Ariel and now Regina."

"Ariel?" Killian whispered. David smiled faintly. He knew his actions that day aboard the Jolly Roger haunted the pirate to this day over a year later. To know that Ariel believed in him enough to warn Emma not to hurt him…. sometimes he really liked that little mermaid. "I'm sorry, love. I never…."

"That's the thing, Killian. You don't ask them to do it. People do that because they care about you. Because they like you enough to be concered about you and worried that you could be hurt. Kinda scary isn't it?" Emma grinned at his surprised look. "Remember open book. It works both ways, pal. But just know that you have more friends in this town than you think." She pressed a kiss against his cheek (thank the gods because David did not want to see anything more than that) and smiled. "Enjoy the rest of your bro time. I'll see you later? Dinner and a movie with me and Henry?"

Killian smiled brighter than they'd seen in awhile. "Yes, I would like that."

"Great!" Emma beamed. "I'll see you later, pirate."

"You most definitely will, princess."

Emma tossed a quick goodbye to David and Robin before leaving. Ruby came back to the table and quickly refilled Killian's coffee while also leaving a large slice of apple pie that he definitely didn't order. David made a mental note to pay attention to that. The last thing they needed was Killian eating the apologies of the town. Thankfully he didn't need to worry about that as Robin snagged the plate almost as soon as Ruby was gone. Killian didn't appear to notice as he was still sitting with a small smile gracing his face. It was adorable and endearing and definitely worth the kick David gave him under the table. Killian raised an eyebrow.

"You get it now?"

"Yeah, mate," Killian rolled his eyes, thought the smile remained. "I got it now."

"Great," David turned to Robin, who was half done devouring the pie. "Now let's discuss why you thought it was ok to threaten my daughter and not tell me."

Robin choked, coughing and spluttering but still noticing the wide grin on Killian's face. "David, be reasonable. I was merely looking out for our friend here. You know how sensitive he's been lately thinking that the whole town hates him."

"Oi, you thieving bastard. Do not think that I'm less deadly without the hook. I can still kick your arse from here to the Enchanted Forest!"

"I'd love to see you try, Kili."

David shook his head as yet another petty argument broke out between the two friends. He took the pie away from the oblivious Robin. Now this was the kind of fighting he could get used to. Well that is until Robin threatened to put an arrow through Killian's knee.

* * *

So this was just a very quick little story that I wrote while I was supposed to be paying attention to a very boring training. It's my first foray into _Once Upon A Time_, don't know if I'll write again but I hope someone enjoyed!


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